This Thursday night/Friday morning as I left the theater after seeing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 I was thinking of my inability to end something good. It was a beautiful ending. Epic battles. Devastating heartbreak. Mystery. Raw emotion. Sexual tension. Everything I love in my stories/movies. It got me thinking, I am not great at goodbyes. They don’t seem to last with me. I love something and say goodbye, only to find a way to reinvent it and hang on for dear life. It is true with people and things.
For instance, there are many individuals in my life who have impacted me in some strange, strong way. I never picture myself as a good pen pal, but I’m exactly that. With my favorite shows and favorite movies and favorite books I resort to something geeky/nerdy. I admit here one of my deepest/darkest secrets. I am an avid fanfiction reader and fanvid watcher. It’s true. It gets me through my days/evenings. I love it. Harry Potter is done. No more movies. No more books. But still, I find myself wondering, what happened the day after the battle? How did they move on? How did Neville become a professor? What were the trio like as parents? What were the funerals like, the anniversaries of all of those deaths?
Same with X-files and Six Feet Under. What happened. So much of the story is missing. I hate that. I need something to fill in the gaps. I cannot take the final goodbye. I need more. That’s why I turn to my youtube videos and stories that fill in the gaps. I’m a nerd and I admit this publicly for the first time.
Getting back to my point. I don’t like goodbye and I am not good at it. I have an issue accepting finality because there is always information missing. Always more to the story I need fulfilled. I just cannot say goodbye. I am sure there are some serious psychological implications about this; however, I don’t think I want to delve into the at the moment.
lipstickmoonlight 